A Quiet Celebration
by archphoenix
Summary: OneShot. Lexa throws Clarke a birthday party in Polis. Clarke makes amends with her friends and grapples with whether she can tell Lexa her true feelings.


Clarke laughed at her friends jokes, subtly trying to see whether Lexa was paying them any sort of attention from across the hall. It had been months of working together to make Skaikru the thirteenth clan and Clarke's anger at the mountain deal had subsided greatly, and almost without her consent. She found herself inexplicably drawn to Lexa still but it was as hard as ever to read the stoic commander, although the celebrations in honor of her birthday had taken her aback. She didn't even know how Lexa was aware it was her birthday, but she had a slight suspicion that perhaps Raven had something to do with it.

'Okay, Clarke,' Raven said, drawing her attention back, 'Bellamy, Murphy and Roan.'

Clarke pulled a face and downed her drink at the prospect of facing such a difficult choice to bear.

'None.'

'Those aren't the rules!' Octavia replied.

'You haven't played once.' Clarke reminded her.

'Because I have Lincoln so your game of sex, shoot, marry is inappropriate.' Octavia laughed and she downed her drink too.

Clarke rolled her eyes. Things had not been perfect between her and Octavia but at least they were now talking.

'Fine,' Clarke sighed. 'Shoot Roan because he kidnapped me, sleep with Murphy and marry Bellamy.'

'I knew you had a thing for Murphy!' Octavia declared jokingly.

'Please.' Clarke bit back. 'It's just if we were married we'd kill each other after a day. I'm used to being stuck with Bellamy.'

'How romantic.' Raven cooed.

'Fine then, Raven. Sinclair, Jaha and Kane.' Clarke challenged and Raven gagged on her drink while Octavia roared with laughter.

'Seriously?'

'Seriously.' Clarke replied smugly.

'Shoot Jaha because seriously? Sleep with Kane although your mother would kill me...' Raven said deliberately knowing how that reminder of her mother's new boyfriend to Clarke would annoy her, '...and marry Sinclair.'

'Wick will be crushed.' Octavia commented.

'He'll get over it.' Raven grumbled.

'I'm not sure.' Clarke replied; Wick had been completely downcast since Raven had ended things between them.

Wick had helped to work on building a communications system between Polis and Arkadia and in that entire time Clarke had never once heard Wick even attempt a bad joke. It was not a good sign.

'Right, I'm off to find Lincoln before I'm forced to play this disgusting game. I do not trust Clarke at all after that.'

Octavia made her hasty exit and Clarke and Raven watched as she attached herself to Lincoln in the far corner of the hall.

'It's good that they found each other.' Raven sighed, turning back to Clarke.

'Yeah...like you and Wick...'

'Don't change the subject.' Raven warned.

'How was that changing the subject?'

'From Lexa.'

Clarke shook her head.

'We weren't talking about Lexa.'

'You have been obsessing over her for months now.' Raven retorted. 'You're always waiting until you can have your private meetings with her, you always want her opinion on everything. Seriously, Clarke, it's really rude that whenever we try and have a conversation you're always wondering what Lexa's doing.'

'That's not true. There's nothing going on.' Clarke defended weakly while Raven scoffed.

'You have been looking constantly behind where I'm sat and I suppose that has nothing to do with a certain commander?'

'No.'

'So if I turned around I wouldn't see her?'

'Fine, Raven. We worked together to bring everyone together. That was it.' Clarke admitted before Raven could swing around from her seat and embarrass her by calling Lexa over.

'Clarke...'

'I'm nowhere near drunk enough for this conversation.' Clarke commented dryly.

Raven filled Clarke's glass full of wine from the nearest pitcher.

'Then drink.' Raven smirked. 'Come on, Clarke. What's going on?'

'She kissed me.' Clarke admitted quietly.

Raven's eyes widened considerably and she leaned forward, making sure nobody was listening in.

'When?'

'Her tent, before the battle.' Clarke mumbled not meeting her friend's gaze.

Raven frowned at this news and Clarke knew she wanted more given the amount of time that had passed since that day.

'So then what happened?' Raven prompted.

Clarke shrugged.

'She left me on the mountain.'

Raven stared at her.

'Clarke, come on. I thought you moved on from that?'

'I did,' Clarke said, stung, 'but she kissed me and it was pretty clear I was into her and she just left. Ball is in her court.'

'So you told her you had feelings for her?' Raven asked knowingly.

Clarke froze.

'Not exactly.' She stuttered. 'Well, Finn had just died. I wasn't ready but I told her I wasn't ready to be with anyone. It wasn't like I was rejecting her. I just needed time. I thought I made it pretty clear how I felt.'

Raven actually put her head in her hands and it was several moments before she looked back up at Clarke. Clarke almost felt pity for both of them at the fact Raven wore such a pained expression.

'Clarke, you do remember that you were completely hateful to her for months after the Mountain? I know, I know you were justified in it.' Raven added quickly at the look on Clarke's face. 'But if she didn't know how you felt before there is no way she is going to dare do anything that might upset you again.'

Clarke looked across to Lexa again and their eyes finally met across the hall. Lexa gave her a soft smile but when she turned back to Titus it was with the same controlled expression as ever. She really did look beautiful in that dress, Clarke thought.

'She keeps getting annoyed whenever I talk to Bellamy.'

Raven laughed.

'Of course she does. Here's the brave guy rebel hero of the hundred and you're the blonde strong one who will do whatever it takes to fix everything. You and Bellamy are the predictable safe choice everyone expects. She's got to feel a little insecure at that, especially when you've done nothing to show how you feel about her.'

'I kissed her back and I'm here in Polis. I left Arkadia.' Clarke replied hotly. 'Even when Bellamy asked me to come back.'

'She might think you were just running away from your feelings and Polis was the safe option.' Raven replied.

'I'm not interested in Bellamy though.' Clarke said, wrinkling her nose. 'He's not interested in me either. Sure, we're close. We need each other. I couldn't have gotten through everything without him but it was never romantic or sexual, you know?'

Raven made a non committal noise and Clarke shot her a look at her friend's sudden quietness.

'Wait...' Clarke said, a smile spreading across her face, 'you and Bellamy?! When?'

Raven hushed her.

'Keep your voice down!' She warned. 'It was forever ago. You and Finn went hunting and I thought...anyway, it happened. It was no big deal.'

Clarke thought back and her brow furrowed at the memory of that day.

'You thought I was having sex with Finn when Miles was with us?'

'I didn't know Miles was there!'

'So when Finn and I were captured and had our lives threatened, you and Bellamy were...'

'Being a complete disaster.' Raven finished and Clarke struggled to contain her laughter.

Clarke eventually regained her composure and looked up softly at Raven.

'I was so angry at Finn when I found out about you. I didn't want to be that girl. I didn't want to hurt you and then I got to know you and you were great. I don't think I ever would have gotten back with Finn even if TonDC had never have happened.' Clarke told her and Raven smiled.

'I know. I don't blame you any more - for any of it.' Raven clarified. 'And I'm sorry for punching you in the face.'

Clarke shrugged it off.

'That's okay, I've deserved a few punches in the face by now anyway.'

'Not going to argue with that.' Raven quipped but then she turned to her friend, her eyes shining. 'Clarke, if there's one thing we should have learnt by now is that there's no point in wasting time. If you want Lexa then go and get her. It's better to lose the battle of pride now and win the war of love.'

'What the hell?' Clarke asked at Raven's wisdom.

'Just trying to speak Lexa's leader language to you. Clearly, you like that kind of thing.' Raven teased and Clarke found herself struggling not to repay Raven with a punch of her own.

'Go talk with her.' Raven urged.

'What if she doesn't feel anything anymore?' Clarke asked her timidly.

'This is a woman who got on her knees and swore fealty to you. That's a proposal right there if I ever heard one.'

She knew Raven was right that she should talk to Lexa. She didn't think she could stand not knowing how Lexa felt anymore anyway. Clarke wanted to be with Lexa. She couldn't remember a time where it didn't feel like they weren't supposed to be together.

Clarke gave her a nod and quickly downed her wine.

'But you go talk with Wick.' Clarke said, before she left.

Clarke made her way over to Lexa, feeling a fluttering of nerves. It was always like this with her. Whenever she wanted to speak to Lexa, no matter how often she rehearsed what she was going to say it just flew right out of her head as soon as they were face to face.

Titus saw her coming and nodded in her direction so Lexa turned to greet her, wearing a radiant expression. Titus, for once, slipped away from their discussion for which Clarke was deeply grateful.

'I hope you're having a good birthday.'

'Thanks to you.' Clarke replied smiling.

'I just wanted to see you happy.' Lexa said sincerely and Clarke let out a shaky breath at the words.

'I am happy in Polis.' She confessed.

'It seemed as though you were enjoying being able to spend some time with your friends again.' Lexa commented.

'Yeah, Octavia seems to be willing to at least try to be friends again.'

'I know how much they matter to you.'

'They do.' Clarke hummed in quiet agreement. 'But not as much as you.'

Clarke turned her head slightly as though watching the rest of the party but she knew Lexa was studying her face.

'I'm in love with you.'

Clarke's mouth hung open for a full second but she quickly closed it before she turned back to Lexa. There was a smirk playing at Lexa's lips and a sparkle to her eyes Clarke wasn't sure she had ever seen before.

'Why the hell do you always have to give some huge revelation at every moment?' Clarke responded, shocked but her words were light. 'Why can't you just-'

But Lexa cut Clarke off with a slow and tender kiss. Clarke completely forgot about the party as soon as their lips touched and so she missed Abby dropping her goblet, Bellamy's shocked expression and Raven's yell of triumph as Lexa poured her passion for Clarke into the kiss.

Lexa pulled apart from the kiss slowly after several long moments and rested her forehead against Clarke's.

'Damn it, Lexa.' Clarke whispered jokingly and Lexa chucked.

'Fine,' Clarke sighed with a playful air of defeat. 'I love you too.'

* * *

 **Author's Note: Hi guys. I actually thought I'd already posted this as I'd put it up on another site months ago but I'm apparently quite dizzy so here's a little something for those of you who stuck with 'Grasping Water' for so long :P :)**


End file.
